SLAP FOR A LIE

Here is another good laugh for your folks this mid-week, with courtesy of my regular reader, James Bond. Enjoy.

A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it at dinner.

FATHER: 'Where were you today son?'
SON: 'At school dad.'
Robot slaps the son!

SON: 'Okay, I was at Sid's watching a DVD with my mates!'
DAD: 'What kind of DVD'
SON: 'Toy story.'
Robot slaps the son again!

SON: 'Okay, it was a porno cries the son.
DAD: 'What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was!'
Robot slaps the dad!

MUM: (laughs) He's certainly your son.'
Robot slaps the mum!

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

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Choon Seng Teochew Porridge: $80 steamed fish in a Coffeeshop!

Stewed Cabbage - Typical Teochew Muay dish Sometimes when I look at scenes from Tsukiji Market and catch a glimpse of a huge Tuna, I wonder to myself, "How did this Tuna, which must be at least 20 years old, manage to escape being caught all these time?" I felt exactly the same way with this particular Teochew Porridge stall.  In the hour that we were there, business was non-stop until they

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Spankalot's personal story - Spanking P

Hey dear readers, my sincerest apologies for not posting for a very long time.  Unfortunately for me, spanking is not my career and the need to generate $$$ has led to a rather mad time in my career.  A very busy few months which has seen me travel for work to crazy places largely without access to reliable internet and when there was it was the mad rush of replying work-related emails and issues.  Nevertheless I should be back on a more regular posting schedule in my blog so I thank you dear readers for sticking around.

At the same time I realised that I have never posted much about my own personal spanking life......don't ask me why......maybe I was so preoccupied with posting the stories of the people who have shared their spanking stories with me that I neglected posting more about myself.  Plus its different writing about myself........seems a little weird at times......but nevertheless.....here goes nothing.....about a certain ex-girlfriend of mine.....let's call her P shall we?

P was one of the girls I dated while I was in Poly.  She was something many of my friends termed a “wild thing”.  She had this quirky dressing and funky hair colours.  Wild she was as my friends reckoned for she took the initiative to know me, now a lil disclaimer please don't get the wrong idea I do not reckon myself to be a stud of any kind, and kinda took more initiative when it came to physical intimacy. 

So anyway.....you would know by now that at that time my dirty little mind was already filled with the spanking fetish.  And it was soon before I began trying my luck giving a few swats here and there to her cute little bottom but never much of a serious spanking.  Partly because the few times I pulled her over my knee and gave a few playful spanks, while we were having sex, I could only get a couple spanks before she wriggle away with a laugh and I did not force it because maybe at that point of time I was more inexperienced than anything.  Its kinda hard to explain, I mean our relationship did not start of as a spanking relationship and then I wasn't really that open about my spanking fetish to the vanillas.  I mean I had my group of spanko contacts and all but I had vanilla friends too.  Nevermind.......

But my chance came close to a year in our relationship.  My parents were overseas at that time, and yes like many Singaporean kids out there, when the parents are away the house becomes total chaos.  So it we were in my room and it was about ten plus at night when the handphone rings and its my buddies asking if I was free to meet up.  I had barely managed to answer when P started throwing a tantrum kicking me in the back and saying out loud that we had agreed to spend time together.  Nostalgic ain't it for some of you guys? The neverending youthful worries of choosing to spend time with either your buddies and your girl? Well anyway so I stood up, turned around and shot her a glare before telling my buddy on the other line that I would call him back.  As I ended the call I told her off for jumping to conclusions, yea I had intended to keep my promise to her and was about to tell my buddy that I would not meet them that day before I was rudely interrupted by her tantrum and kicking, and scolded her that  since she decided to scream her head off the guys were gonna think I decided not to go because she made a fuss.  She probably realised that she had reacted without thinking for her voice was more meek this time as she gave a pout and said that she did not know and thought I was going to agree to meet them.  But I told her to shut it as I sat down on the bed, back facing her and dialled my buddy's number to tell him that I was not going to go.  Of course I got a little ribbing from him for not wanting to meet them but they knew me well enough that it wasn't because of her tantrum.  By the time I put down, I guess P was feeling a little apologetic for her earlier actions and had hugged me from behind and was already nibbling at my ear.  I wasn't extremely pissed off but still little irritated at that point of time and then an idea came to mind.  Reaching back I pulled her over so she sat on my lap and as she kissed me I attempted a half-irritated scolding again about how she should not over react like that and she took the bait apologising in a meeker tone this time as she attempted to apologise with more kisses to my neck.  So I continued my little plan by saying that she was gonna have to do more than that to make up for the tantrum she threw.  And as she gave turned to straddle me and rub her groin towards me and breathe the words “I'm all yours”, I manoeuvred her into an otk position over my lap and gave her a sharp spank to her pantied bottom, she was just in her lingerie at that time which was convenient.  She struggled of course but I held her down and simply told her that since she wanted to act like a brat, I would give her what a brat deserved......a darn good spanking.  I continued spanking at a steady rate as she winced and struggled, begging me to stop.  And then I pulled down her panties and continued spanking this time at a harder and faster rate which drew little cries from her.  And when she tried to put her hand back to block the spanks I locked it behind her back and told her that I would continue until she took the spanking without resisting.  Her legs immediately stopped kicking as I continued to spank her already reddening bottom for another good minute or two.  She whimpered apology after apology giving the usual promises that she would never throw a tantrum again. So I let her hand go and told her to prove that she was truly sorry she was to take the last twenty spanks to her bottom without struggling over putting her hand back.  And I made her count them.  She was sobbing and apologetic by the time I ended and as she laid there over my knee, I rubbed her bottom and slid my fingers in between her legs.  As expected they were terribly wet and as soon as she began her soft moans and soft grinds of her hips against my fingers, I pushed her onto the bed and we probably fucked like rabbits in a full marathon for we were both sweaty and breathless when we both laid down exhausted on the bed.  As we laid there in an embrace enjoying a few quiet moments listening to each other's breathing, I tried my luck once more as I sat up and said maybe another spanking to make sure you will be a good girl from now on......and guess what........she gave a pout and........went over my lap waiting for my hand.......

Needless to say........it was a rather spank-filled adventure for the rest of our relationship but unfortunately.......it takes more than a mutual liking for spankings to sustain a relationship and we parted ways sometime after.  We are still friends though.........

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TASTY SEX TIPS

Here is one you might like to try. It works for quite a number of people I've recommended to. It really works both ways.

So what you do is kiss his or her inner thighs. Start out with gentle kisses and slowly suck on the flesh, gradually increasing the pressure. Imagine you are giving your partner a hickey and watch how he or she begins to squirm with delight. It's a great way to take the focus off the main course or it can even be used as a pre-penetration teasing ritual.

A friend of mine suggests using ice-cubes which might work for some of you. Try it out and I want to hear about your experiences.

Missus Singapore out!

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

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LOOK WHO'S WATCHING

In a country like Singapore, where more than 80 percent of people live in high-rise apartments, you really have to be careful who may be watching your bedroom activities. Well, watching is really not a big deal but with technology the way it is today, you can never write off seeing yourself on You Tube the day after.

A woman wrote to me saying how she found out about her boyfriend cheating on her from a voyeur who caught him and another girl at a stairway landing in her block. Apparently, she was kneeling in front of him as he was standing. So go figure.

Initially, she didn't actually see the video itself - it appeared on You Tube. But when a friend pointed out that he did bear a striking resemblance to her boyfriend, she checked it out. On questioning him, with the video playing of course, he had nothing to say, although according to her, he had a hard time looking at her in the eye especially when she pointed out the shirt he was wearing in the video, ironically, one she had printed for him on his birthday.

It's really hard to fool around but not impossible. It's just that in a place like Singapore, where privacy and space is a premium, you have to be smart. By the way, I do like this ad.

Missus Singapore out!

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

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SEX TALKS

I've received quite a number of queries about the sex talks that I attend so to address them all at once, I'd like to recommend checking out the HPB website. On occasion, they do hold talks for couples on sex.

Alternatively, many local hospitals also have public talks on sexual issues and sexual health. One of the most common one is Changi General Hospital, but the others do have such talks too. However, the private hospitals have better door gifts and refreshments.

Another avenue I find useful is some of the local online sex toy store sites, which have quite interesting talks from time to time. I don't usually check them out because I usually get invited for some of them. In fact, I've been a speaker and guest at a few of them too. Hope that helps.

Missus Singapore out! 

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

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VIDEO OF THE WEEK

I just love this advertisement. But it does give you another reason on why you should always keep your toys.

Thanks Bernardo for this video and to answer your question, 'No' we don't get such advertisements here, and I am quite sure we never will, at least not in my lifetime. Sigh.

Nonetheless, have a super start to the last week of July. It's amazing how fast time has flown by. And make time for sex!

Missus Singapore out!

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

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Guy Savoy Singapore: Signature Dishes of the Three Michelin Star Chef

Heirloom tomatoes "façon" tartare and salad, tomato tartelette and seaweed-lemon granite If you are a foodie, then the term "Three Michelin Stars" should elicit some kind of emotional response.  Indeed it is the holy grail of gastronomy.  But just what does "Three Michelin Stars" actually mean? Well, according to the Michelin guide, One Star means "A very good restaurant in its category", Two

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Postcard from Sandakan: Makan Mission III

Trip Report by Rey Chen. Team ieat Makan Mission III Prior to setting off for Sandakan, information from various resources led me to think that my understanding of the area was sufficient. This, however, was not the case once I explored the relatively unknown Malaysian city for myself.   A Goducate-ieatishootipost New School Project When Goducate started its work in Sandakan just 3 years

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The sound of spanking or a spanking tune?

Dear readers,
   Not a story this time but more of a spanking thought.  It has been a constant thought at the back of my head and brought on once again when I replied to MBS's Spanko Brunch #288 and if you can see from my comment that a spanking tune much like how STOMP does its tunes is very much a possibility.

   For you see, each spank has a different sound now I do not know if that is largely because of the bottom or the hand.  Add implements into the equation and edit the cries from the spanks you'd probably have a full symphony and remix.

  Just a spanking thought.............

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How to Make Roti Prata: My Recipe as featured on Channel U

Part I Part II The flour I use is Prima Plain Flour which is the same flour that is used by Roti Prata sellers throughout Singapore. It is branded as Ikan Terbang flour. The curry powder I used is Waugh's curry powder which you can buy in Golden Mile Shopping Centre. This powder is very fragrant and not spicy and is great also for marinating chicken wings for deep frying as well as to make

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RULES OF FB ENGAGEMENT - PART 1

A friend of mine came over the other day and we had some drinks. Somewhere between our last glass of wine and first glass of vodka, we decided to list out some of the rules of engagement of a fuck buddy.

Before anything else, here's my definition of a fuck buddy. Someone you are not friends with, at least not in the traditional sense. So if you hang out or chill with this person, he/she doesn't qualify. Neither should a fuck buddy be associated with friends with benefits - these are friends you enjoy spending time with and have sex occasionally.

Invariably, it took a while the next day to decipher our scribblings, but alas I managed to do so and here they are.

Not a relationship

By any stretch, if you are looking to recruit a FB, you have to be certain that you are not looking for a relationship. If you have just come out of a failed one, that's probably the worse time to search for a FB because your emotions will not be able to tell the difference between a new relationship or a FB liaison. Your mind has to be straight when you decide that you want a FB. There is always the risk of falling for a FB so you have to also ask yourself what you would do if such a thing occurs. Always plan ahead. My advice is never the twain should meet.

Clingy dingy

A clingy anything is always a turn off. So expect a clingy fuck buddy to not be worth your energy or time. You are in it to gain pleasure and a wonderful release, not baggage that will leave a bad aftertaste. You want him/her for sex and lines should be drawn way before you get naked. This way, in case you get into a serious relationship, it can be easily broken off. Believe me, it may sound cold and harsh but you will thank me for it. Of course it does not mean you have to be treated or treat your FB like dirt. Mutual respect goes a long way.

Draw the lines

Speaking of drawing the lines, a FB is not someone you share intimate dinners or go on dates with. The only thing you should be eating is each other. A drink before your activities begin is fine but I try not to, at least not in the open.You don't want to have any desire to call them for a casual conversation. In fact, they should not even show up on your social radar.

In and out

No sleepovers. That's how it works. If you want the association to be a pleasant one, then you better not want to wake up in the morning with your FB beside you. The is the perfect recipe for spoiling the thrill of the FB phenomenon. Besides, everyone will be tempted to cuddle up in the morning and this might be open to wrong interpretations and second guessing, and thus complicate matters. End the night in your bed alone.

Gag orders

Always keep your FB a secret.The best kinds are the ones who don't kiss and tell or post in on their blogs or on Facebook. You want to avoid them. No reason to have the world know about what you are up to for recreation.  Besides, when its all cloak and dagger, its more exciting. Text messages are fine to arrange your liaisons.


(to be continued...)

Missus Singapore out!

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

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RULES OF FB ENGAGEMENT - PART 2

Here is the second and final part of my rules of FB engagement.

Attraction matters

Always try to pick a FB who you find yourself attracted to. You can be as superficial as you like. After all, it’s just for the lay. No reason why you can’t live out your fantasies with your FB. Besides, if you want to enjoy a game of tennis, you get good gear, so why not apply the same rules with a FB.

Jizz in a jiffy

In my experience, it’s best to have a FB who is living close by. When you feel the urge, you need to address it ASAP. No one likes to wait, least of all a horny person. The spontaneity is killed if one has to wait too long.

Strict criteria

One of the important things in selecting a FB is not to take ‘no’ more than once. If you plan to try out a new FB and he says he is too busy, or makes some dumb excuse that he can’t make it, then he is not for you. You want a FB who will throw things up in the air and rush to service you. Selfish? Perhaps? But you don’t have much time to waste with your FB.

Dog and bone

If you FB does not give you a good boning, find another. Why settle for mediocre when there is magnificent just around the next corner. If he/she fails the trials, move on. And when having sex, forget the traditional lover-making positions (or looking into each other’s eyes for too long), go for the nasty – think doggy, cow-girl, standing, etc. – anything but the missionary which may suggest making love. And remember, it’s vital you both cum. Otherwise, what is the point?

One FB good, two FBs better

You never can tell when one can't show up at the moment you need him/her. Besides, there may be times when you fancy having more than one at a time. For me personally, I feel that three is just about right and try to spread them out equally so I don't get bored with the same strokes. Just like having a few tennis buddies, you want variety and different challenges from time to time.

Well, that’s it folks. Hope you enjoyed this two-parter on FB. Until the next time.


Missus Singapore out!

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

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TOO OBSESSED?

What are the signs when you have sex on your mind a wee bit too much? Well this cartoon sent in by Clarice, from New Zealand seems to fit the bill. Unfortunately, according to her, she has become 'too sex focused' ever since her husband bought her a dildo set.

She writes, "All day at work, all I can think of is playing with my dildo set when I get home. It's the same each day, get home, prepare dinner, see to the kids, take a long shower and play with my toys. Unfortunately, my husband has been complaining that I don't spend enough time with him."

Well, you never can tell if the husband bought her those toys just so that he can deflect her attention away from his indiscretions. Oh maybe he may have bought in in good faith but either way, he has brought out the sex monster in Clarice.

Missus Singapore out!

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

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Lau Hock Guan Kee: The Origins of Fish Head Curry

Fish Head Curry (Ang Goli, Golden Banded Snapper, Pristipomoides multidens ) $24 Shame on me.  I just realised how famous Singapore's Fish Head Curry really is.  It's so famous around the world that it even represented Singapore on MSN's list of 25 things to eat before you die, taking its place along side the likes of Sushi at Tsukiji market, Florentine steak in Italy and Yang Cheng Lake Hairy

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CLEAN SEX PLEASE, WE'RE ASIAN!

!The more you touch your partner as part of foreplay, the more pleasure-inducing brain chemicals are released. Yes, the same arousal hormones that get you horny. Apparently, there is a build up the more tactile sensations are applies.

So if it seems odd that you are spending an awful amount of time touching each other in bed and not getting anywhere, try giving each other a slow bath. Soaping and scrubbing each other is one way to disguise the fact that you are trying to get the hormones in full flow.

Alternatively, you could get him to rub body lotion on you and vice versa. You will be pleasantly surprised.

Who said sex has to be dirty?

Missus Singapore out!

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

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IS THIS A JOKE OR WHAT?

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past six months.

The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.

The following day, the wife goes to the doctor's office. The doctor asks her what's wrong, why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband?

"Oh, that's easily explained. For the past six months," the wife says, "I've been taking a cab to work every morning. I don't have any money. The cab driver asks me, 'Are you going to pay today, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'."

"Then, when I get to work," she continues, "I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'.
I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, 'So, are you going to pay this time, or what?' Again, I take an 'or what'.

So you see, doc, by the time I get home I'm all tired out and don't want it anymore."
"Yes, I see," replies the doctor. "So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?"

Thanks James for this joke. I hope you understand why we women sometimes are just too tired for sex.

Missus Singapore out!

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

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RULES FOR MARITAL SUCCESS

Here is a cute little poster a friend of mine email me last week. She had it printed out and stuck in her husband's briefcase. I think all marriages solemnized at ROM (Registry of Marriages) should issue this sticker as reminders to couples on who the real boss is. Love it! Thanks Lili.

Missus Singapore out!

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

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Spankable Pictures 12

Hi again!!  Once again here are some of the supposedly vanilla photos, I have come across while surfing online, that kinda brings spanking back to mind....

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How to Season a Wok: The Science behind it and Step by Step instructions

Video on how I seasoned my new Wok Why I Walked the Way of the Wok My mum has not bought a wok for the last 30 years or so.  For as long as I can remember, she has always been using the same cast iron wok since I was a kid.  I, on the other hand, have been changing woks every one or two years because my teflon/ceremic woks get from non-stick to all-stick over time.  So one day I decided that

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Spankable Pictures 12

Hi again!!  Once again here are some of the supposedly vanilla photos, I have come across while surfing online, that kinda brings spanking back to mind....

Link to full article

RULES FOR MARITAL SUCCESS

Here is a cute little poster a friend of mine email me last week. She had it printed out and stuck in her husband's briefcase. I think all marriages solemnized at ROM (Registry of Marriages) should issue this sticker as reminders to couples on who the real boss is. Love it! Thanks Lili.

Missus Singapore out!

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

Link to full article

IS THIS A JOKE OR WHAT?

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past six months.

The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.

The following day, the wife goes to the doctor's office. The doctor asks her what's wrong, why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband?

"Oh, that's easily explained. For the past six months," the wife says, "I've been taking a cab to work every morning. I don't have any money. The cab driver asks me, 'Are you going to pay today, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'."

"Then, when I get to work," she continues, "I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'.
I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, 'So, are you going to pay this time, or what?' Again, I take an 'or what'.

So you see, doc, by the time I get home I'm all tired out and don't want it anymore."
"Yes, I see," replies the doctor. "So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?"

Thanks James for this joke. I hope you understand why we women sometimes are just too tired for sex.

Missus Singapore out!

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

Link to full article

CLEAN SEX PLEASE, WE'RE ASIAN!

!The more you touch your partner as part of foreplay, the more pleasure-inducing brain chemicals are released. Yes, the same arousal hormones that get you horny. Apparently, there is a build up the more tactile sensations are applies.

So if it seems odd that you are spending an awful amount of time touching each other in bed and not getting anywhere, try giving each other a slow bath. Soaping and scrubbing each other is one way to disguise the fact that you are trying to get the hormones in full flow.

Alternatively, you could get him to rub body lotion on you and vice versa. You will be pleasantly surprised.

Who said sex has to be dirty?

Missus Singapore out!

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

Link to full article

Seng Huat Bak Kut Teh Restoran: The Origins of Bak Kut Teh continued...

Klang style Bak Kut Teh My search for the origins of Bak Kut Teh has finally brought me to Klang, the place where many Malaysians believe to be the birthplace of Bak Kut Teh.  There is not doubt that the people of Klang thrive, nay, survive on this veritable mix of various pork parts simmered in a dark and powerful herbal concoction.  I was told that they have over a hundred shops in this small

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L'Opretta: It's Official, Singapore now serves Vera Pizza Napoletana!

Singapore's first VPN Pizza Margharita (Photo taken at Pizzeria L'Opretta) I don't usually make announcements on this blog but this piece of news is something I have been waiting for over two years.  It's official, Singapore now serves Vera Pizza Napoletana (VPN), ie the True Napoletana style pizza certified by the Associazione Verace Pizza Napoletana, a non-profit organization where members

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The ieatishootipost School Building Fund needs your help!

This year, our aim is to raise $100K for our Sandakan School Building Project and so far we have just crossed the $70K mark, so we have a bit more work to do!  Fortunately, our sponsors MHCAsia have been very generous in their support and in the lead up to their Annual Dinner next week, they have told me that they are willing support another fund raiser for us. Dr Paul Choo standing in front

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Singapore Flyer – UPDATE

I’ve updated the Singapore Flyer VR. The last time I created it was around 3 years ago and there were several buildings around the Flyer that haven’t been built yet.

http://www.singaporevr.com/vrs/singapore_flyer/SingaporeFlyerCapsule.html

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CONDEMNED CONDOM

I was at a sex talk last week and at the entrance were several booths where sponsors of the talk were vending their ware. One of them was a condom manufacturer which I will not mention but they went on and on about how thin and strong their condoms were.

It was an interesting demo and a girlfriend of mine was really enjoying herself when she wanted to know that if she were to take out a condom from a randomly chosen box, they would offer the same results from rigorous testing of her own.

Like myself, she was a writer. So the counter guy readily asked her to choose any box which he subsequently opened for her. He pulled out a condom and gave it to her. She took out the condom, asked me to hold one end of it while she tugged on the other. ANd then it happened!

Wonder of wonders, without so much as stretching it that much, it snapped!

Everyone there just gawked and looked at the guy, who also had his lower jaw scrapping off the floor at that point. Poor chap. We really did a number on him although we didn't intend to. Of course to be fair, I don't know of anyone stretching a condom that much during sex. But still, my girlfriend isn't exactly a tough chick with bulging muscles to boast off.

The guy went silent after that and clearly embarrassed, we offered him our apologies and even bought something from his booth. Some spermicide or something like that.

So like the bad luck he experienced with us, you can never quite be too certain that any condom will give you the protection you want when you want it.

Just thought I'd share it with you as I was laughing about it on the train all the way back home the other day.

Missus Singapore out!

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

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