MARITAL RISKS TO CONSIDER

There are lots of tips on how to keep a marriage alive over the long haul. You can find them almost everywhere, even in several of my posts on Missus Singapore. However, the two traits that I constantly bring up are communication and continuing intimacy.

That said, I've actually compiled some feedback over the years - many couples - and I've extracted their recipes for a successful marriage. Of course the jury is still out on how long they will stay married so I've only considered those who have been married for more than 20 years; not many to be honest, and isolated what they do differently from the traditional marriage practices of many others.

1 SPEND TIME TOGETHER
Obvious concept but just how many couples actually have the time to put aside and spend it with each other. Work, family and friends take a lot of time and energy that we often leave couple time very low down the list.

Of the couples that were married for more than 20 years, all of them admit spending an 'obscene amount of time' with each other. A few were totally the opposite until they changed their ways and renewed the vigor in their marriages.

"We used to have many couple time outs - so often (because we enjoyed it) but it became the norm and spending time with each other thereafter, never featured strongly in our lists of priority" said Jane E, a 46-year old fashion coordinator.

While I too believe in couple time-outs, they are what they are, time-outs away from the main marital journey. They should not constitute the main feature in any serious relationship, let alone a marriage.

2. HAVE ANOTHER PERSON IN YOUR LIFE
It's debatable on the extent of this other person (of the opposite sex) but this veteran couples admit having a third person in their life. Not necessarily for sex but close confiding relationships, either a best friend of the opposite sex. I found this extremely surprising considering that these couples lived in what is supposedly a conservative Asian society.

"I have a guy friend whom I new since college and we have been keeping in touch and going out for coffee quite often. At times we innocently flirt but it's great to have someone who can give me a male perspective on things other than my husband. Besides, being with someone else gives me a sense of feeling attractive." Brenda Kow, a 44-year old legal assistant said.

I guess if the hubby is alright with that, it's okay but I have my doubts about keeping a close relationship with someone of the opposite sex. It will take some doing and a whole lot of self-restraint to avoid sex. Friendships are one thing but talking sex, over and over again, may lead to further exploration. Maybe I am just too horny for my own good, but that's me. Dangerous ground for me, this one.

3. SELF-GRATIFICATION
I swear by this one. Get a toy and have a regular orgasm if you are not getting it during regular sex. On second thoughts, even if you are, there is nothing like pleasing yourself once in a while. It kind of gives you a secret live, without betraying anyone. This is something I think everyone should have. Mutual masturbation is an oxymoron and doesn't count.

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

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