ASK THE BOLDER WOMAN

Queenie is a 32-year old mother of two girls. Married to her childhood sweetheart, she posted this question which echoes what many of you have asked over the years.

Q: I love my husband a lot. And although he does do a great job sexually, I have always wanted to explore sex with another woman with him. I am told I am quite the looker and he is no slouch either but over the years, this has been on my mind more and more. I would like to know your take on it.

MS: Thanks for your email Queenie. Well, the topic of threesomes has been commonplace amongst visitors to Missus Singapore so I have to say that its a subject that I'm quite familiar with. Also, my perspective comes from my own personal experiences in threesomes; both mine and that of many others I have spoken with or observed.

In my humble opinion, threesomes are a little more tricky as compared to a foursome with another couple. Emotions can run up against the wrong doors if not managed properly. The first question you should ask yourself and answer honestly is not if you love your husband or not but how jealous are you?

As far as I know, not many men are likely to vigourously turn down the opportunity to be involved in a threesome. Some will, but most won't. So persuading him might not be your problem. The problem is understanding your level of jealousy. Thinking about it and actually seeing it unfold before your eyes are completely two different things.

I know you said that you want to experience being with another woman but ultimately, when you husband joins in, you will have to deal with the sight. It can either be an arousing experience or an overwhelming one that triggers an explosive reaction to the cinder of jealousy that exists in all of us.

While some of us are able to keep it subdued, others may not. So take a step by step approach. Talk about it, visualise, try initiating some soft flirtation between your hubby and another woman just so that you get a feel of things.

When reports emerged that threesomes had destroyed Demi Moore and Asthon Kutcher's marriage, all sorts of analysis were made, one of which I found most interesting but flawed in a general sense was from a so-called renowed psychotherapist who said was quoted as sayng, "Why would Demi — a beautiful, successful and worldly woman — agree to sharing her man?"

Well, for many women, they want it. Also, it can also be a turn on for a woman.

Of course Demi may have her demons of jealousy and insecurity haunting her that she felt it was necessary to 'please' her man to make him want her more. That, I have to agree is doing it for the absolutely wrong reasons. Any relationship is doomed to blow up in those circumstances.

When you have decided you are ready to take that step towards a threesome, lay the rules - the can dos and can't dos from the word go. I hope that helps Queenie.

Missus Singapore out!

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

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