FOCUS ON SEX

Well, it doesn't take statistics to show what I've been saying all these years that divorces are on the rise in Singapore. Everywhere you turn to - family, friends, colleagues, etc - there is bound to be a divorce somewhere.

In the government's usual knee-jerk reaction to problems, they offer baby bonuses and vigourously go on ill-thought of marriage seminars and forums without seeing the importance of addressing the rising divorce rates. Their concern, which is a valid one to some extent, is the low birth rate here. It's about more babies and more marriages equates to more babies.

I know some organizations do have counselling services for marriages in trouble but it's clearly not something that goes up in neon lights. Other than the occasional whispers in the newspapers about the rising divorce rates, almost nothing else is heard or discussed.

While 'irreconcilable differences' and 'unreasonable behaviour' are often cited, according to the many I have met and spoken to over the years, the main problems stems from a lack of communication and intimacy from the get-go. Isolating the cases of abuse, money and sex issues (e.g. affairs and lack of sex) are often up there.

I've attended numerous marriage talks and forums, and have met many couples who were on the verge of taking that big step. It is heartening to listen to their hopes and aspirations towards marriage but almost all of them have truly no idea what such a union really entails.

These talks often focus on what couples can and should do to prevent friction. No doubt an important aspect to bring up but I just feel that not enough is touched on dealing with problems when they crop up, and they most certainly will at some point.

Sex talk? Almost non-existent, as if sex is not an important part of marriage, especially in the early stages. While the physical act may not seem as important, what many don't realise is the emotional bonds and closeness that sex and intimacy does create.

I've actually been to a marriage forum when one woman asked a sex-related question and the speaker kept dodging it, as if sex was and should not even be an issue to focus on. I was appalled. Eveyone seemed to be focusing on how to bond as a married couple without the element of sex in the equation! If we go on like this and continue to employ idiots who are tongue-tied to talk sex, we are doomed.

Missus Singapore out!

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

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