ASK THE BOLDER WOMAN

This question was sent in by Indie571, a 34-year old man from Canada who runs a family business. He became a father in May 2011. Although he is clearly elated to his elevation to fatherhood, he is concerned with his diminished sexual interest in his wife.

This is definitely not a new phenomenon as many men do experience this. It's a transitional phase where their responsibilities undergo a redefinition from lover to father. Here's his query.

Q: I was present at the birth of my first child and it was a wonderful experience. However, since them, it's been hard to find the same level of intimacy with my wife. She is ever willing to get our sex lives back on track but I can't seem to shake off all the blood and pain I witnessed during her delivery. I find it hard to ger aroused these days.

MS: I'm tempted to say that it will pass and it probably will but I understand that you would wish for it to happen sooner rather than later. It's almost the same thing for many women who see themselves under a new light as parent too. Sex is no longer high up the priority list.

For you, the blood and pain bit - it's quite common. Strange if you ask me since most guys get over a violent blood and gore movie pretty easily. That doesn't seem to stop them from wanting to watch more of the same. Still, it's a common after-birth experience.

What many of my male friends have found useful is my advice on creating mental images. Give imagery a chance. What I've told them is when they feel negative about sex with their spouse due to the above reason, think of something 'pleasant' like visualising her naked for the first time, a part of her body that turns you on or even her one 'special' skill that jerks your motor.

The main thing is not to leave it alone and expect it to resolve on its own because things like this simply don't.

Missus Singapore out!

Missus Singapore or Miss Us Singapore (at your own peril) - A married woman on the loose

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